guess once again i'll try my luck at catching up to speed with my hummingbird heart

'cause i don't know just what i'm looking for
a town or a person, a painting, a face
a song on the stereo telling me
'good love is on the way',
oh my of such little faith
//bound red gideon - charlene kaye
 
charleneeeeeeee. love this woman. depressed i can't go see her in chicago or new york.
 
so um. i sort of really fucked up the other night and did something i really really regret. i don't think i've ever hated myself as much as i do now.

charlene kaye. my one true lady love.
i'm so madly in love with this woman it's not even funny.
 
pictures collected from various sources.

i would lie and say that you're not on my mind
but i go out and i sit down at a table set for two
and finally i'm forced to face the truth
no matter what i say i'm not over you
//not over you - gavin degraw
 
yeah. torturing myself reminiscing about when he was mine.

i'm speaking figuratively, of course
like the last time that i committed suicide
social suicide.
//lgfuad - motion city soundtrack
 
this is terrible. but anyway.
 
so it seems i only get back in to this when i have a boyfriend or after i dump a boyfriend, either of the two. it's the latter, this time. i felt terrible about it but we just didn't go well together. we didn't really have anything in common other than harry potter, and he was just too much of an 'adult' for me. i understand being an adult and being responsible, but inside i am seven years old and i need someone who matches that. i know exactly who that is, it's just a matter of whether or not he wants to give me another chance.
 
i started talking to taylor again, and we're hanging out, which i'm taking as a good sign. i know he still likes me, and i know it's going to take a while for the trust to be there again, i just really hope eventually it is. i don't want a boyfriend right now, let's get that straight. i just got out of a relationship, plus i just really don't want to be in a relationship right now. i just want to have fun. i do love taylor, and hopefully maybe one day in the not-so-distant future we can be together, but i know it's not going to happen tomorrow.
 
it's been nice hanging out with him again, though. it was like falling back in to something, everything just sort of fits. we got coffee a few weeks ago and that was my first time really seeing and talking to him in over a year, and it was a little awkward at first but after a little bit we were talking like we'd never stopped talking. we talked about everything and nothing and it's just been really nice.
 
so la di da, my life has been boring otherwise. had a job, quit that job, have another job now i like much more. yepp. that's about it.

hair inspiration. mine just needs to be longer now x.x

I have never ever been more proud of this fandom or to be a part of this fandom, in my life.
i'm equally as proud to say that i was a part of this live stream, and was in that chat for the full 24 hours.
this has been one of the best 24 hours of my life. i feel so much love in my heart right now, for all of you. you're all so amazing. i just. i can't. i love everyone.

This took me like two days.
mostly because i'm lazy and easily distracted.
 
okay what the crap why does that one piece look so weird. polyvore y u hate me

this set kicked my ass.
it took me like five hours.
i'm not even that big of a finchel shipper either. whatevs, they're cute.
i had to clip this like three times though so the quality is shit.

bhj,

i'm not even trying to be melodramatic when i say glee has saved my life, it's the honest to god truth.
even thought the fandom can fight like bitches and be really annoying, it still feels like home.
i almost went with starkid, because the love is about the same amount, but i went with glee because that's what found me first. i don't know where i would be without this show or these people.
/end sappy rant.